Bartending and Food-Server Jobs: 7 Lessons for the Writing Life

Tending bar taught me a lot about human behavior and prepped me for the writing life. Photo credit: Unsplash

I’ve worked as a food server and bartender on two continents and in three countries— in settings that ranged from a city steak house (Dublin), to an Irish-American pub (upstate New York), to a counter-service place in a shopping center (UK).

Now, in mid life, my days in a black waitress apron are a distant memory.

But as a creative and day-job writer, I often use what these restaurant-server jobs have taught me about life, people and work.

Behind that bar, here are 7 things I learned about work and people:

1. First appearances can deceive. That bar customer in the designer suit with the patronizing voice? His credit card is as or more likely to be rejected than the other man at the end of the bar in the plaid shirt with the frayed cuffs. Keep a very open mind.
2. We build and promote our own brand. We tell ourselves a narrative about ourselves, and we wear that self-made story as our brand or calling card. I’m smart. I’m successful. I’m a good parent, a hard worker, a soon-to-be-bestselling author. From street-side bars, to our favorite writing nook, only the humble will check in with themselves to ensure the real-time veracity of their own beliefs or narratives. But as a writer and a person, this self-check is well worth it.
3. People are extraordinarily kind — for no personal gain except to help out a waitress who, in fact, had just flubbed their food order. Here, I’m thinking of that guy who abandoned his afternoon beer to rush out and buy me a book that we had been discussing across the bar.
4. America is not a meritocracy or classless. I know. Gasp! And, built into this class divide (between, say, a waitress and an after-work executive) is the assumption that one person and their professional title or work matter more or deserve more kindness. They don’t.
5. We all have a story. For 30-plus years, I’ve stuck to what I learned and heard behind the bar or the food service counter, which is this: Together, we are a giant anthology of human stories, and your story shouldn’t supersede or erase mine.
6. You do you: However big the gratuity or yearly bonus or the writers byline or book publication promises to be, never compromise your ethics or sense of self for visibility or money. Beware the boss or editor who wants or orders you to do this. See Number 7 below.
7. Trust your gut: There’s an old saying: “When it’s grunting and it has a curly tail, it’s usually a pig.” Got a hunch about a new job or gig? Trust. Your. Gut.